Seeking support for your mental health is a big step, but what happens when part of you wants help while another part feels hesitant, unsure, or even resistant? That tug-of-war between seeking change and staying in the familiar is called ambivalence, and it's more common than you might think.
Maybe you’ve thought about reaching out to a therapist but haven’t scheduled the appointment. Or maybe you’ve started therapy but find yourself holding back from fully engaging in the process. If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. Ambivalence about change—especially when it comes to something as personal as mental health—is completely normal.
Why Does Ambivalence Happen?
Change, even positive change, can feel scary. It often means stepping outside of what’s familiar, even if what’s familiar isn’t working.
Here are some common reasons why people hesitate to seek or fully commit to support:
Fear of the unknown – What if therapy doesn’t help? What if it does, but I don’t recognize myself afterward?
Comfort in familiarity – Even if our current patterns aren’t ideal, they can still feel “safe” because they’re what we know.
Doubt in deserving support – Many people struggle with feeling like their struggles aren’t “bad enough” to warrant help.
Worry about emotions surfacing – Therapy can bring up emotions we’ve pushed down for a long time, and that can feel intimidating.
Fear of failure – Worrying that trying to change and not succeeding might feel worse than not trying at all.
Pressure to "fix" everything at once – The idea of change can feel overwhelming, especially if it seems like everything needs to improve at the same time.
How to Move Past the Fear of Change
Acknowledging ambivalence is actually a great place to start. Instead of pushing away your hesitation, try approaching it with curiosity. Here are some ways to work through the fear of change:
Give Yourself Permission to Feel Both Sides - You can want support and still feel scared about what that means. Holding space for both of these emotions without judgment can help reduce the internal pressure to “just decide.”
Explore What’s Holding You Back- Ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen if I seek support? What’s the best that could happen? Sometimes naming the fear makes it feel more manageable.
Start Small- If committing to therapy feels overwhelming, start with a small step—maybe researching therapists, writing down your thoughts, or talking to a trusted friend about your feelings.
Remind Yourself That Change is a Process- You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Growth happens in stages, and taking even one small step toward support is still progress.
Trust That You Deserve Help- You don’t need to hit rock bottom to deserve support. Struggling—even in small ways—is reason enough to seek help. Everyone deserves a space to process and heal.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Change is hard, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. If you’re feeling ambivalent about seeking support, know that therapy is a space where you can process those feelings at your own pace. You are allowed to take your time, ask questions, and step into change in a way that feels right for you.
And when you’re ready? We’re here to help.
About our EMDR Eating Disorder Therapist Stephanie Polizzi
Stephanie Polizzi is a licensed psychotherapist (LMHC) and eating disorder specialist in Scarsdale, NY at Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling, serving clients living in NY, NJ and FL.
Stephanie specializes in working with children, teens and adults struggling with anxiety, eating disorders, behavioral challenges, life transitions and trauma.
Stephanie uses a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Mindfulness, Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)and EMDR Therapy in her work with clients.
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