With Valentine’s Day just passing, we often think about the bonds we share with others. For many, this holiday represents love, connection, and closeness. But for individuals who have experienced trauma, the idea of connection can bring up feelings of fear, uncertainty, or discomfort. Trauma can deeply impact the way we attach to others, making it challenging to build or rebuild trust and safety in relationships.
At our practice, we understand that attachment is at the heart of healing. When trauma occurs, whether in childhood or adulthood, it can shatter our sense of safety and make it difficult to trust ourselves, others, or even our own emotions. Rebuilding trust and safety in relationships is a delicate, yet profoundly healing, process.
How Trauma Affects Trust and Safety in Attachment
Trauma, especially relational trauma—can disrupt the way we form attachments. Our early experiences with caregivers, or later experiences in intimate or familial relationships, shape how we learn to connect with others. For someone who has experienced trauma, the idea of intimacy can feel threatening rather than comforting.
When we experience betrayal, neglect, or abuse, it creates a wound that can make us question our worthiness of love, safety, and care. This disruption can lead to unhealthy attachment patterns, such as:
Distrust: A sense that no one can truly be relied upon, leading to emotional isolation.
Fear of vulnerability: An intense fear of being hurt again, causing you to distance yourself from others or shut down emotionally.
Difficulty with intimacy: A challenge in getting close to others, even when we long for connection.
Avoidance of closeness: The instinct to keep others at a distance to protect yourself from perceived threats.
The good news is that, even after trauma, it is possible to rebuild trust, safety, and secure attachments—both with others and with ourselves.
How to Rebuild Trust and Safety in Attachment
Healing from trauma and rebuilding trust is a gradual process, but it begins with understanding and compassion. Here are some pathways to rebuilding safety and connection:
Create a Safe Therapeutic Space
The foundation of rebuilding trust is safety. In therapy, we provide a space where you are heard, respected, and never judged. This safe space can be a step in learning how to trust again. When trauma has shattered your sense of safety, it’s crucial to rebuild it in a supportive, compassionate environment.
Through trauma-informed therapies, we work together to ensure you feel comfortable expressing yourself, knowing that you are met with empathy and validation.
Understand the Impact of Trauma on the Nervous System
Trauma often leaves us in a heightened state of alertness, making it difficult to relax or trust others. Through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, we can explore how trauma affects your nervous system, causing responses like hypervigilance (constantly on edge) or dissociation (feeling detached or numb).
With this knowledge, we can help you regulate your body’s responses and feel more grounded in your own experience, which is a critical step in feeling safe enough to connect with others.
Process and Heal Old Wounds with EMDR
Trauma often leaves emotional wounds that continue to impact how we connect with others. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a therapy that helps process and heal the painful memories tied to trauma.
By reprocessing these memories the intensity of old wounds diminishes. You’ll start to feel more open to building trust and feeling safe in the presence of others.
Explore Your Internal Parts with IFS
Sometimes, our parts—the different aspects of ourselves that hold our emotions, fears, and desires—become fragmented because of trauma. For example, a part of you might feel the longing for connection, but another part might feel terrified of being hurt again. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps you understand and communicate with these parts, allowing for healing and integration.
Through IFS, you can rebuild trust within yourself, creating harmony between the parts of you that want connection and the parts that feel afraid. This internal healing is often a necessary precursor to feeling safe with others.
Regulate Emotions and Release Stored Trauma with Somatic Therapy
Trauma is often stored in the body, which can lead to physical sensations like tension, discomfort, or numbness. Somatic therapy connects the mind and body, helping release the physical symptoms of trauma.
By learning to tune into and release these sensations, you can begin to re-establish a sense of safety within your own body. This safety is vital in allowing you to feel more confident in your ability to connect with others without feeling overwhelmed or threatened.
The Role of Patience and Compassion in Rebuilding Trust
Rebuilding trust and safety in attachment takes time, and it’s okay to take small steps. It’s important to be patient with yourself and recognize that healing is not a linear process. There will be moments of growth and moments of challenge. But with consistent support and a trauma-informed approach, you can learn to trust again and cultivate the deep, meaningful connections you deserve.
As we celebrate Valentine’s Day, we invite you to consider what it might look like for you to open up to trust and connection once more. Whether it’s with a loved one, a friend, or most importantly, yourself, rebuilding safety and attachment is an act of profound self-care.
Start Your Healing Journey Today
If you’re ready to begin the journey of rebuilding trust and safety in your relationships, we are here to walk with you. Our trauma-informed approach incorporates EMDR, IFS, Polyvagal Theory, Somatic Therapy, and Mindfulness to guide you in healing and reconnecting. Reach out to us today and take the first step toward creating a future where trust, safety, and healthy attachment are not just possible—they are your reality.
About our Scarsdale EMDR Therapist Annabella Lipson
Annabella Lipson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling in Scarsdale, NY.
She enjoys working with young adults & adults who are dealing with grief, constant sadness, anxiety, PTSD and other heavy emotions that make it difficult to enjoy the present moment.
Annabella has an innate ability to make her clients feel comforted and cared for as they confront their grief and loss. She incorporates a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), EMDR Therapy, Ego-state Interventions and Mindfulness practices in her counseling sessions.
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