Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS)
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we recognize that each of us is made up of different "parts." These parts reflect various emotions, memories, and behaviors, often shaped by our past experiences—particularly the challenging ones. Each part has it's own story and needs. There are no 'bad' parts because they are all motivated by protection and safety. Some parts may have responses to situations that were once adaptive, but have now become maladaptive.
When life gets tough, these parts can be triggered. You might feel anger, sadness, or anxiety bubbling up, often taking you out of your "window of tolerance." This window is the space where you can handle emotions and thoughts effectively, without feeling overwhelmed or shut down. When we stay within our window of tolerance we are able to intentionally respond rather than react.
Speaking from Parts: The Reactive Response
Now, let’s delve into what it means to speak from a part. This happens when you react directly from one of those triggered emotions. Imagine this: you’re in a disagreement with someone, and a part of you feels hurt or neglected. In that moment, you might lash out or say something regrettable. That’s speaking from a part—an automatic reaction driven by your emotional state at that moment.
This kind of response is often fueled by your nervous system reacting to perceived threats. It can feel intense, but it’s important to recognize that it’s a natural human response. However, it often leads to misunderstandings and can leave you feeling more distressed afterward. When this happens we are often in a state of fight, flight or freeze- in other words, we are not in our window of tolerance.
Speaking for Parts: An Intentional Approach
On the flip side, when we talk about speaking for a part, we’re entering a more mindful and compassionate space. Speaking for a part involves recognizing that emotion, checking in with it, and allowing yourself to express those feelings thoughtfully. Instead of reacting from anger, you might pause and ask yourself, “What does this part of me that feels angry need right now?”
By doing this, you’re creating a dialogue with yourself. You’re honoring that part’s feelings without being overwhelmed by them. This practice not only fosters self-compassion but helps keep you within your window of tolerance. You’re better able to respond rather than react, promoting a sense of safety and control.
The Power of Awareness in Therapy
Understanding these two modes of communication can truly transform your therapy experience and daily interactions. It encourages you to cultivate a greater awareness of your internal world and recognize when different parts are activated.
When you learn to speak for your parts, you build a kinder relationship with yourself. It’s a journey of self-discovery and healing that can positively impact your relationships with others, too.
Conclusion
Here at Peaceful Living, we deeply value trauma-informed approaches like IFS that help you navigate your internal landscape. If this concept resonates with you, or if you’re curious about how to apply it in your life, we’d love to support you on this journey.
Remember, you don’t have to navigate this alone. We’re here to help you find your voice, speak for your parts, and embrace your whole self. Together, let’s create a safe and nurturing space for your growth and healing.
About our Scarsdale EMDR Therapist Annabella Lipson
Annabella Lipson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling in Scarsdale, NY.
She enjoys working with young adults & adults who are dealing with grief, constant sadness, anxiety, PTSD and other heavy emotions that make it difficult to enjoy the present moment.
Annabella has an innate ability to make her clients feel comforted and cared for as they confront their grief and loss. She incorporates a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), EMDR Therapy, Ego-state Interventions and Mindfulness practices in her counseling sessions.