As parents, witnessing our children navigate grief, death and loss can be one of the most challenging experiences. Whether it’s the loss of a family member, a pet, or a significant change in their lives, children process grief differently than adults. As an EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapist, I’d like to share some insights and practical strategies for supporting your child through their grief journey.
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
The first step in supporting a grieving child is to acknowledge their feelings. Children might express grief in various ways, from sadness and anger to withdrawal or even playfulness. Let them know that it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling. Validate their emotions by saying things like, “I can see you’re really sad,” or “It’s okay to feel confused right now.” This affirmation can help them feel understood and supported.
2. Encourage Open Communication
Create a safe space for your child to express their thoughts and feelings. Encourage open communication by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you remember most about [the person or pet they lost]?” or “How do you feel today?” Listen actively and avoid rushing to provide solutions. Sometimes, just being present is what they need most.
3. Use Age-Appropriate Language
Children’s understanding of death and loss evolves with their age. Use language that is appropriate for their developmental stage. For younger children, concrete and simple explanations are best. For older children, you can discuss the concept of death more abstractly. Avoid euphemisms like “passed away” as they can be confusing; instead, use clear terms like “died” to help them grasp the reality of the situation.
4. Share Your Own Grief
It’s important for children to see that adults experience grief too. Sharing your own feelings, in an age-appropriate way, can help them feel less isolated in their emotions. You might say, “I miss them so much too,” which reinforces that grief is a shared experience. This modeling can encourage them to express their own emotions more freely.
5. Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies
Help your child develop healthy coping mechanisms. This can include physical activity, creative outlets like drawing or writing, and spending time in nature. Engaging in these activities can provide a constructive way for them to express their feelings and process their grief.
6. Seek Professional Support if Needed
If your child’s grief feels overwhelming or if they struggle to cope after a significant period, consider seeking professional help. An EMDR therapist can provide a supportive environment for children to process their feelings and experiences. EMDR can be particularly effective in addressing trauma related to loss and helping children find a path toward healing.
7. Maintain Routines
During times of grief, maintaining some semblance of normalcy can be comforting for children. Keep up with routines, such as regular meals, bedtime rituals, and school activities. These structures can provide a sense of stability and security amidst the emotional upheaval.
8. Educate Yourself
Understanding the grieving process can help you support your child better. Read books or attend workshops on grief to learn more about what your child may be experiencing. The more informed you are, the better equipped you’ll be to guide them through their feelings.
Conclusion
Supporting a child through grief is a profound responsibility, and it requires patience, empathy, and love. By acknowledging their feelings, encouraging open communication, and being a steady presence in their lives, you can help them navigate this difficult journey. Remember, healing takes time, and every child’s path through grief is unique. With your support, they can find a way to honor their feelings and eventually heal.
Take care, and remember that you’re not alone in this journey—resources and support are available to help you and your child through this challenging time.
Community Response Counseling Program
We are offering up to 8 free counseling sessions for anyone in the Eastchester, Tuckahoe, or Crestwood areas who have been directly impacted by the recent traumatic events. Whether in person at our Summerfield Street office or virtually through telehealth, our licensed therapists are here to provide trauma-informed care, offering a space where you can process your emotions, have a shoulder to cry on, and begin to heal.
These sessions are completely confidential, with no strings attached. Our only goal is to offer the support you need during this time.
About our Clinical Director Lauren Arnau, EMDR Therapist in Scarsdale, NY
Lauren Arnau is a lifetime resident of Westchester, NY. She is a child and adolescent licensed mental health counselor in Scarsdale, NY and the Clinical Director at Peaceful Living MHC.
Lauren is trained in the use of EMDR, Mindfulness and CBT for the relief of stress and anxiety. She helps adults in these areas as well.
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