In this blog, I’ll explore the difference between goal setting and intention setting, and why intention setting can be a more gentle and trauma-sensitive approach to personal growth. Through the lens of IFS, we can understand how both approaches relate to healing and how to navigate them with compassion and self-awareness.
Understanding IFS: Our Internal System of Parts
At the heart of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is the idea that we all have an inner system made up of distinct parts. These parts often develop in response to life experiences, particularly those involving trauma, and they can represent different aspects of ourselves. Some of these parts may hold pain, fear, or shame, while others protect us, manage our emotions, or push us toward success.
At the same time, we have a core Self—this is the wise, compassionate, and grounded center of who we are. When we experience trauma, our Self may become overwhelmed, and the parts of us can take over, each seeking to protect or manage the pain in different ways.
Goal Setting: A Path of External Achievement
In traditional goal setting, we focus on achieving specific, measurable, and external outcomes. For example: a goal might be to exercise five days a week, to finish a project at work, or to reduce anxiety symptoms by a certain amount. Goals are often time-bound and structured, which can be incredibly motivating and helpful in many areas of life. However, for individuals with trauma histories, goals may inadvertently trigger resistance or self-criticism, especially if those goals conflict with the needs or desires of different parts of the self.
For example, a part of you might be deeply committed to achieving the goal of "becoming more confident," but another part may be fearful of rejection or failure. This internal conflict can lead to frustration, feelings of inadequacy, or burnout. In IFS, we recognize that parts may not always be aligned with the same goals, and this misalignment can create tension and a sense of being stuck.
Intention Setting: A Path of Compassionate Growth
Intention setting, in contrast, focuses on cultivating a mindset or energy that supports the desired outcome, without the pressure or rigidity of a traditional goal. Rather than striving to meet an external standard, intention setting invites us to approach ourselves with curiosity and compassion, recognizing that healing and growth happen gradually and often in unexpected ways.
For example, an intention might be: "I intend to be gentle with myself today," or "I intend to listen to my body when it signals the need for rest." This type of intention is rooted in self-awareness and self-compassion. It doesn’t demand specific outcomes, but rather allows space for each part of the self to show up as it is. In this way, intention setting honors the complexity of our inner world.
Why Intention Setting Works for Trauma Survivors
Aligning with the Self: In IFS, we understand that healing begins when we reconnect with our Self. Setting intentions helps us stay connected to that inner wisdom and compassion, allowing us to approach ourselves with more gentleness. Unlike goal setting, which can activate parts of us that are pushing for results, intention setting invites the parts of us to soften and work in harmony with our core Self.
Creating Internal Harmony: Trauma often creates fragmented parts that hold different beliefs, emotions, and desires. When we set intentions rather than rigid goals, we create space for these parts to express their needs and desires. For example, a part that feels afraid of success may need reassurance that it’s safe to move forward, while another part might need space to process old wounds. Setting an intention like “I intend to listen to all parts of myself with patience” allows for a more integrated and compassionate approach to self-discovery and healing.
Healing the Inner Critic: Many people with trauma histories carry an inner critic that pushes for perfection or demands unattainable goals. Setting intentions, in contrast, is inherently more forgiving. It acknowledges that healing is a process, not a checklist to be completed. An intention to “show up with curiosity” allows us to approach our healing journey without the weight of judgment or self-criticism.
Emphasizing Presence Over Performance: One of the most powerful aspects of intention setting is that it shifts the focus from external accomplishments to present-moment awareness. It encourages us to be fully present with what we need, moment by moment, which can be especially healing for trauma survivors. In this way, intention setting supports a sense of control that is rooted in the present, rather than the future or past.
Practical Tips for Setting Intentions in Therapy
If you’re considering intention setting in your healing journey, here are a few simple ways to get started:
Start with Self-Compassion: Reflect on what you need today—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Set an intention that aligns with your current needs, such as "I intend to honor my need for rest today," or "I intend to approach my feelings with curiosity."
Be Flexible: Intentions are not about achieving something specific, but rather about embodying an attitude or approach. If you set an intention and notice that it’s not working for you, that’s okay! Allow yourself the flexibility to adjust.
Check in with Your Parts: Ask yourself, “What parts of me might need attention today?” Your parts may have different needs and intentions, and by acknowledging them, you create a more holistic and compassionate path forward.
Embrace the Journey: Healing is a journey, not a destination. Approach your intention setting with a mindset of exploration and curiosity, rather than the need to achieve a particular result.
In the trauma-informed work we do, healing is not a linear process of reaching specific milestones or goals, but a compassionate journey of reconnecting with the Self and the various parts that make up our internal system. Intention setting offers a trauma-sensitive approach to growth, creating space for all parts to heal, while fostering an attitude of gentleness, patience, and self-compassion.
If you’re struggling with setting goals or feeling overwhelmed by the demands of life, consider shifting toward intention setting. This approach can help you reconnect with your deeper self and create a foundation of kindness and acceptance on your healing path.
Remember, growth doesn’t always look like a straight line—it’s often messy, nonlinear, and full of grace.
About our Scarsdale EMDR Therapist Annabella Lipson
Annabella Lipson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling in Scarsdale, NY.
She enjoys working with young adults & adults who are dealing with grief, constant sadness, anxiety, PTSD and other heavy emotions that make it difficult to enjoy the present moment.
Annabella has an innate ability to make her clients feel comforted and cared for as they confront their grief and loss. She incorporates a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), EMDR Therapy, Ego-state Interventions and Mindfulness practices in her counseling sessions.